Progress is being made, but rather than being inspired by this notion, I find myself feeling a wave of sadness, homesickness and even despair. I can’t understand why this is happening. We’ve accomplished so much but at the moment I don’t feel happy. I can only look ahead and project how much energy and emotional capital it is going to take to live out the rest of this new life…to live dead.
At the beginning, the excitement and the adrenaline provided a much-needed boost to accomplish some of the seemingly impossible tasks necessary to acclimate to such a radically different life. Toward the end of an event, I see the goal in sight and I muster the internal fortitude necessary to finish well.
It’s living in “The Middle” that seems to be the most difficult. In the middle, I have to keep going. n the middle, I have to endure. In the middle, all that’s shiny and new becomes dull and mundane. In the middle, my true character is revealed. In the middle is where most of life happens.
You’ve been teaching me this lesson most of my life. I absolutely thrive on planning events. I love the themes, the timelines, the details. I can predict the beginning, the end and even the middle. No guessing is required. But life doesn’t always happen like that. Moments in life begin when we don’t anticipate them. The ending proves nebulous rather than a punctuated moment. So that leaves all the living in between.
Is it something to be endured? To be wished away? Or do I learn to find contentment, joy and rest in the middle? If I answer “no,” then I’m choosing to force an unrealistic or an uncontrollable timeline on things that I should be giving to you. Do I trust you or not? Do you do good or not? If I trust you and you are good as I believe, then that also includes those times when the beginning is so dim that I can’t remember it and the end is too far on the horizon to catch a glimpse of things to come.
So each day offers an opportunity to rest in the hands of the One who holds all of “middles” of life for you are after all, the Beginning (and the Middle) and the End.